my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
