he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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