elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
