i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
