we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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