she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
