While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
