I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
