I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My life is pants optional.
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