11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
