So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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