So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize