zippers are such a cool invention
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
