Sry I called you an 8
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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