The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
