what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
