so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
