i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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