a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize