I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
