My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
