so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
