how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
