I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize