Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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