So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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