the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
