After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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