Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
