In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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