I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
