shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
