My hand turned me down
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
