I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
