that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
