my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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