we made out on top of his cat.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize