last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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