I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize