dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
