the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
