how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
