that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
