Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
