I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
