Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
