Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
