I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
