I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
