I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I will die if light touches me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize