can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just googled if crying burns calories
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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