Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
