I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize