As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
