Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
