Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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