I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize