After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
