When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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