I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
