I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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