I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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