strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
