3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
