The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
