i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
