I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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