I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
