i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
