You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
