I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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