I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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