i would punch a child for taco bell
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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