He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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