Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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