lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
