We're facebook friends in real life
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just threw up on my dentist
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
