fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize